10 Mindful Ways to Remain Calm When Others Are Getting Out of Control

Here’s the way of being that I’ve been cultivating and advocating:

To breathe deeply and often.

To remind myself that I can’t control other people.

To remind myself that other people can handle their lives however they choose.

To not take their behavior personally.

To see the good in them.

To let go of the ideals and expectations I have about others that causes unnecessary frustration.

To remember that when others are being difficult, they are often going through a difficult time I know nothing about. And to give them space.


1. Get comfortable with pausing

Don’t imagine the worst when you encounter a little drama. When someone is acting irrationally, don’t join them by rushing to make a negative judgment call. Instead, pause and take a deep breath.


2. Think bigger

Imagine a two-year-old who doesn’t get what she wants at the moment. She throws a temper tantrum! This small momentary problem is enormous in her little mind because she lacks perspective on the situation. But as adults, we know better. We realize that there are dozens of other things this two-year-old could do to be happier. Sure, that’s easy for us to say — we have a bigger perspective, right? But when someone offends us, we suddenly have a little perspective again — this small momentary offense seems enormous and it makes us want to scream! We throw the equivalent of a two-year-old’s temper tantrum.


3. Respect people’s differences

Being kind to someone you dislike or disagree with doesn’t mean you’re fake. It means you’re mature enough to control your emotions and do the right thing. Period.



4. Find compassion and put yourself in their shoes

In the busyness of today’s world people tend to be worried, fearful, hurting and distracted about everything. The word compassion means 'to suffer with.' When you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes, you give them the space to regroup without putting any extra pressure on them.


5. Take things less personally

If you take everything personally, you will be offended for the rest of your life. There’s just no reason for it! Even when it seems personal, rarely do people do things because of you, they do things because of them. You know this is true. You may not be able control all the things people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be endlessly distracted by them. Make that decision for yourself today.


6. Create proactive morning rituals that start your days right

Don’t rush into your day by checking your phone or email. Don’t put yourself it a stressful state of mind that’s incapable of dealing effectively with other people’s negativity. Create time and space for morning rituals that get you moving in the right direction.


7. Cope using healthy choices and alternatives

When we face stressful situations, we are often encouraged to calm or soothe ourselves with unhealthy choices — drinking alcohol, eating sugary snacks, smoking, etc. It’s easy to respond to stress with unhealthy distractions. So pay more attention to how you cope with stress, and replace bad coping habits with healthy coping habits…



8. Remind yourself of what’s right (and create more of it in the world).
At the end of the day, reflect on your small daily wins and all the little things that are going well. Count three small events on your fingers that happened during the day that you’re undoubtedly grateful for. For example:

My family and I made it home safely from work and school today.

My spouse and I shared a laugh.

Our meals filled our stomachs.


9. Practice letting everything and everyone breathe

As you read these words, you are breathing. Stop for a moment and notice this breath. You can control this breath, and make it faster or slower, or make it behave as you like. Or you can simply let yourself inhale and exhale naturally. There is peace in just letting your lungs breathe, without having to control the situation or do anything about it. 



10. Establish and enforce healthy and reasonable boundaries

Practice becoming more aware of your feelings and needs. Note the times and circumstances when you’re resentful of fulfilling someone else’s needs. Gradually build healthy boundaries by saying no to gratuitous requests that cause resentfulness in you.


https://www.marcandangel.com/2025/01/22/9-mindful-ways-to-remain-calm-when-others-are-angry/